Hello everyone in the Kinjaverse! It’s time for another installment of those monthly updates that I’m not sure why you continue to follow! :P
This month was in overall, pretty darn fun. It’s had extremely bad days, but at least it wasn’t August.
I originally started this as a way to come out to the Oppositelock community (I was not a member of GT back then) and partially as a way to come out to the Smart Car of America community. People asked to keep them updated, so I reformatted my personal blog to be about smarts, and an open diary of my transition.
As we’re approaching the 1 year anniversary of my coming out (Halloween), I am thinking of what I’ll do when stuff in my life stops being noteworthy. Maybe I’ll make updates every couple months, and shift the focus to things only relating to the medical part of transitioning? I’m not sure yet.
My Endocrinologist changed my estrogen doses back in August. My body now has as much estrogen as a girl at the prime of puberty. It. Feels. So. AWESOME!
On the downside, the increased estrogen (and testosterone so low that I technically don’t have any) meant that I was gaining weight no matter what or how much I ate...and my blood pressure was always running high enough to give me frequent headaches.
My endo gave me a blood pressure medication on top of it. Blood pressures are now normal, and I’m back to losing weight. 5 lb this week!
And for now for the Oppos reading this. I will be test driving the new smart 453 this weekend or next weekend. With moving being my top priority, I’m not sure if I’ll get one any time soon, but I’ll still make a write-up!
My moving situation has been disaster after disaster. I NEED to get out of that house to save my happiness. But my parents make that extremely hard. On top of that, I realized that with my car and other bills, it is very very very hard to find an affordable apartment that isn’t in Wisconsin. And the apartments that I do find at the purrrrfect price are just gone within a week. Housing in the Chicagoland area is adorably expensive, save for those landlords who are actually intelligent.
The newest idea is that Miss Tesla and I move in with my bestie and her husband. Miss Tesla and I both adore this idea since they’re awesome people and it would mean that everyone keeps a whole lot more money in their purses.
Only problem being that they aren’t ready to move yet. So if I find something before they are ready, don’t wait, move.
Also, thanks to my dad having cancer, my parents are sapping on my income since his is going down the crapper. So it’s going to be interesting trying to afford this.
Alrighty people, hunker down for these next ones.
There are just some things in this world that I hold personal to me. So when people make strange statements about them, I’m going to speak up. I’ll listen to your opinion as I always do, but I may not change my own.
I noticed some members of the Kinja community are somehow flip floppy on trans issues. Support one thing, but oppose another...Often times the opposition of that second thing making you hypocritical of the first.
Also, don’t say “I have ____ friends” as a way to validate something. Ironic as we giggle a politicians doing it, but I find many people love using it to support their arguments too. So, irony. Having a friend that is gay/trans/etc is so very different than actually being that person. Not saying you can’t speak for them...but sometimes there are just some things that aren’t as well understood to people on the outside.
Like, I simply cannot give anyone a definite definition of dysphoria.
As I’m more and more beginning to speak up about crap the trans community goes through, I’m gaining more and more people who seem to disagree. That’s okay, you can’t make everyone happy. Do your best to educate and let it be that.
But more as of recent, members of every community I frequent tell me I’m “obsessed” with being trans and that I should grow up and move on with life.
I mean seriously? My blog is dedicated to smart cars and is my hub for all things trans. So no shit most of the stuff I’m going to talk about is trans stuff. I mean okay, sometimes I make a trans joke on a car forum, but really? Come on now.
Offline? I’m a normal woman living a normal life. A normal person with dreams, hobbies, aspirations...a life. Me being trans is NEVER brought up unless necessary or my mom is doing her normal thing.
This is a recent issue that was brought to my blog, even though I wasn’t even talking about it. Our society loves making every scandal a “-ghazi” or a “-gate” so I’m not surprised by the naming...but the naming is absolute garbage.
Transface is the supposed to be the blackface of the trans world. Cis people take on trans character roles for movie and TV roles, and I’m supposed to be offended by it.
Here’s the thing, saying a cis person cannot play a trans character and calling it transface is almost indirectly supporting the idea that you cannot really change your gender.
You can change your gender, you can’t change your race...so out of the gate #transface is based on a fallacy. It also complicates other roles. Does this mean that gay men can’t play straight roles? Straight people not play gay roles?
I DO AGREE that more trans people should get more trans roles, but I do not agree that cis people in trans roles are offensive and so trans roles should only be restricted to trans people.
To quote Hilary Swank of “Boys Don’t Cry”.
Hilary Swank, whose star was launched by her portrayal of the murdered trans man Brandon Teena, told The Advocate she could “completely understand” that there are those who would be upset by the casting of a cisgender actor in a transgender role. But the part should ultimately go to the best actor, she said, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.
“It’s challenging. I think if the transgender actor is right for the role, then I think they should get the role, if they’re the better actor for the role,” she said. “But in the end, we’re people who are portraying characters. ... It’s like someone saying to me, well, you’re not gay, lesbian, or transgender, you shouldn’t play Brandon Teena. I think they thought I just happened to be the right actor at that moment to portray that character.”
Seriously, read that article at the Advocate. Transface is not the problem people are making it out to be. Yes, Hollywood should hire more trans people, but banning cis people from trans roles is not the answer. And calling it offensive is kinda exactly the opposite of what the trans movement is trying to achieve as a whole.
It’s especially weird the hate Transparent gets despite its contributions towards trans-advocacy...all because of the very thought-filled reason to cast a cis person as the lead role.
Ah, my mum. It’s really at the point where I just don’t even know where to start anymore. My family had three notable things happen this month:
We had a family meeting on Labour Day to discuss how everyone treats each other. It was here I learned that my brother is a liar, his wife supports his lies, and they do not give a damn about me. At least my mum supports me overall, even if she sucks at it.
I asked him to tell me what he told his kids about my transition. Both him and his wife told me that it’s none of my business because they’re the parents. It doesn’t matter what they said or how the kids are taking it (poorly) because they’re the parents and it isn’t my business.
Fuck that. This is something that’s DIRECTLY related to me, something that these kids will see for the rest of their lives. I deserve to know what was said to them. It is not a parenting matter at all! But nope, my brother says too bad. Also, too bad about him insulting me, because that’s his “character”.
My mum got a Facebook account this month...it was the worst mistake I’ve made in years. She thinks that if you know someone in real life, you are REQUIRED to friend them on Facebook and initiate a conversation. So, she friended Miss Tesla and Miss Tesla didn’t accept it.
My mum exploded in a fit of anger saying how disrespectful such was and it was a huge slap in the face...effectively a digital “fuck you”.
Wat? Just because you know someone in real life does not mean you have to know them on the Internet. Miss Tesla keeps a short friend list because lets see here, she physically cannot handle social situations. My parents are disrespectful of people having disorders. You can’t always just tell your disorder to fuck off. Life doesn’t work that way.
Thankfully my mum eventually understood that real life etiquette doesn’t apply to Fakebook. She also realized that if Miss Tesla treats her well in real life (she does), who cares about a stupid ass friend request!
My mom has been consistently saying that I look like a boy and that I look like a crossdresser in my natural hair. It hurts. It hurt so much that I did go back to wearing my wig. The emotional turmoil she was putting me through made my natural hair more of a nightmare than the dysphoria of a wig. So back I go. Will I reveal my real hair again? I’m not sure.
On the topic of my hair, this month I did learn that my hair is ready for primetime! I got straightened...but it never had the chance to get styled, oh well.
This month I learned that I don’t have to wear a full face of makeup anymore! My skin has healed up enough that I can let its natural beauty shine. I now only wear makeup on my mustache and the scars on my neck.
My bestie recently told me something that I will hold on to forever:
“I only see you as who you are. I don’t see you as trans, you’re just one very cute, very nice woman. I don’t see you as any less or any more.”
And it’s true. She’s very often confused when I say that I have to shave and such. She forgets that I still have parts of me that still aren’t right, and I love it.
We recently had a double date with my bestie and her hubby. It was the best double date ever!!
And as always, the best for last!
This month saw us together for 6 months!!! I still can’t believe it. It’s both scary and amazing. It makes me want to cheer and to cry. I love every damn minute, second, millisecond I get to spend with this woman. She makes even the bad days so much much more enjoyable. Just, wow hun. :)
And now I ride into the next month, happy it’s Friday and feeling sexy! :D